Outings Report
September: Laidley Spring Festival: Pointscore Round 3
Well, Laidley, look at moiye, look at moiye - because the Monaro Club of Queensland arrived at the Spring Festival with more suburban sparkle than Kath at a Westfield VIP opening. The convoy rolled into town like the Fountain Lakes Christmas pageant, only with better paintwork and fewer sequins. Each Monaro and Affiliate gleamed like it had been personally buffed by Kel Knight, purveyor of fine meats, between sausage-designing duties.
The moment our tyres hit the festival grounds, heads turned faster than Sharon chasing the last little boy sausage in a plastic bowl. One bloke actually yelled, “Ooooh, that’s noice!” - surely the highest compliment available in the Lockyer Valley.
Our display quickly became the unofficial Foxymoron Zone, with visitors streaming in like the opening of a new House of Fountasia store. Prue and Tru knew there was a new crew near the Laidley Loo at the moo. Craig and his crew set up with the enthusiasm of Kath organising a Kylie and Warney pageant, yet somehow everything ended up noice, different, unusual. Cars were positioned perfectly, ready for their close-up by Pete on the way in.
The festival was buzzing with market stalls, OldSkool Tucker Box food, music and enough spring colour to make Kath declare it “a visual feeeast, Kim.” The smell of Shell and Rob’s bacon drifted through the air, although Kel probably could have countered with his broccoli and horseradish comfort banger. Then there were Shell’s spring rolls and Kim screaming at Sharon for eating the last bacon and egg thingy. But Sharon didn’t know.
Crowds flocked to the cars, asking questions - “What’s that rash from, Sharon?” - sharing memories and telling stories. One lady insisted her cousin once owned a Monaro “in effluent green”, while another bloke asked if our cars came with “optional hornbags”. Sharon blushed and immediately broke out in another rash.
A group of teenagers even asked if our cars were “vintage Commodores”. Vintage? No, they’re classic, thank you very much. But the kids were lovely, took photos, and one declared the display “sick” - presumably the modern equivalent of “noice”.
When a mobile band fired up some ’80s hits, someone suggested Kel would have been shaking his “man-hunk” hips if he wasn’t busy purveying his fine meat. The whole scene resembled the closing montage of a Kath & Kim episode - sunshine, laughter, gleaming cars, muffin tops, wobbly tummies and the odd fludubbada.
Visitors loved hearing about the Club, its cars and history, with several asking how they could join. One lady wanted a Monaro “to match her activewear”. Could she buy one of ours? In the immortal style of Kim’s boyfriend: “As if.” “Whatever.” “Give it a bone.”
By day’s end, Laidley had been thoroughly Monaro-fied. As the weather threatened the trophy ceremony, we managed to pick up Top Muscle again, this time with the Fullers’ LX V8 Torana taking home the silverware with more style than Kim’s Christmas statue of baby cheeses.
Members packed up with the efficiency of Sharon - now sporting a nasty monkey bite - organising her netball gear, before the convoy rolled out of town.
The Laidley Spring Festival delivered community, cars and classic Aussie humour. It was noice, it was different, and it was definitely unusual. The Monaro Club of Queensland put on an episode Kath, Kim, Kel, Bretty, Shane, Kylie and Sharon would all be proud of.
And as Kath would say, “Look at moiye - we did good.” Photos by Pete.
Pat MacDonald (Sparkles)
Outings Coordinator
August: Fort Lytton National Park
Monaro & Affiliates Sausage and Hamburger Unit.
Operation Fort Lytton commenced with the Monaro Squadron mobilised for a humanitarian mission to the historic defensive fort at the mouth of the Brisbane River. Built between 1880–1882 to deter Russians, French naval forces and anyone opposed to quality BBQ, the site now serves as a National Park — and for one day, the forward operating base of the MASH 4178 Unit.
Our mission objectives were simple: travel in convoy, maintain morale, consume Robyn’s sausages and rissoles, avoid artillery fire, and ensure no member stood in front of a muzzle loader.
Rendezvous: Eagleby KFC Compound
At 0900 hours, 30 members and partners assembled at Eagleby KFC — the spiritual equivalent of the MASH compound, minus helicopters and plus Monaros. Radar O’Reilly confirmed the convoy manifest. Hawkeye complained about the early start. Klinger arrived in a floral dress, claiming “perfect camouflage.” Colonel Potter approved. Hot Lips rolled her eyes. Father Mulcahy offered blessings.
At 0930 hours, seventeen Monaro Personnel Carriers rolled out, CB radios tuned to Channel 17, lane discipline tighter than Frank Burns’ personality.
Convoy Movement: M1 Northbound
The convoy proceeded north, Radar insisting the trip was “44 kilometres, 45 minutes, and only dangerous if mistaken for an invading French fleet.” Hawkeye suggested firing M/T Gin Bottles at merging traffic; Potter denied the request. Frank Burns agreed, which only encouraged Hawkeye further.
Arrival: Fort Lytton National Park
We arrived at 1015 hours. The Club Trailer and additional members were already stationed. Morning tea was prepared by Private Igor Straminsky and the Kitchen Crew, who somehow arrived first despite leaving last. Members debated disappearing guns, sausage‑launching potential, and Gin recipes.
Guided Tour: Defensive History
The 75‑minute tour covered remote‑controlled minefields, muzzle‑loading cannons, disappearing guns, Hotchkiss quick‑firers, and Brisbane’s naval defence history. Hawkeye asked if disappearing guns could be used on Frank Burns; Hot Lips threatened to make Hawkeye disappear instead. Shane proposed surprising and following a rapid Committee “War Room” meeting, $200 was dispatched — a proud moment for the Squadron.
BBQ Lunch: MASH Style
Potter’s crew operated the BBQ like field surgeons: sausages grilled with precision, onions chopped by the Lionesses, hamburgers flipped with triage urgency. Frank Burns was banned from the plate due to past sausage crimes. Bread was distributed with Radar’s efficiency. Hawkeye and Trapper John provided commentary nobody requested.
Morale: High. Food: Plentiful. Smoke: Non‑lethal. Klinger: Still in a dress.
Operation Chill
Planned activities were abandoned in favour of enjoying perfect weather. A snap quiz was reportedly left on the kitchen bench anyway.
Teardown: 1415 Hours
Winds picked up like incoming choppers. The Squadron executed a highly coordinated teardown. The Lionesses risked scarves and hairstyles to de‑commission the Marquis. Jayne was nearly whisked away by a low‑flying Chinook.
Return Convoy
At 1430 hours, the Squadron departed in formation, providing a spectacle worthy of a MASH finale. Engines roared, CB radios crackled, Klinger saluted, Frank stalled his imaginary Jeep, and Kim captured the exit with military precision.
Mission Outcome
44 members and partners fed 24 Monaros displayed BBQ success Guided tour completed No Gin Bottles left behind Lionesses identified No Russians detected Morale: Maximum
Thanks to all who attended - you made it memorable.
Pat MacDonald (Sparkles)
Outings Coordinator
